SUGGESTED READING
I recommend the following books and documentary to create empathy for prostitutes:
The Johns, Sex for Sale and The Men Who Buy It by Victor Malerek, (Chapter 16 is about FOPP), my favorite quote from this book is “Prostitution is the oldest oppression!”
Refuse to Do Nothing by Shayne Moore and Kimberly McOwen Yim, (I learned from this book that there are 27 million people being trafficked globally, 80% are women and children for prostitution).
Paid for, My Journey Through Prostitution by Rachel Moran, (I cried my way through this book). She really captures what it feels like to be prostituted. She felt raped on a daily basis while engaging in prostitution. She got out. She helped change the laws in Ireland to “Criminalize Demand”.
Trafficked by Sophie Hayes, (a powerful story of a woman forced into prostitution).
In Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA, that 12-step program I attended for many years, that I mentioned above), I met a filmmaker who put me in his documentary, The Courage to Love, a Documentary on Sex Addiction. It's Paul's story, my story, and two other men's story. I recommend this movie to see if anything in it brings identification with sex addiction. You can watch it for free on YouTube!
You can also watch some Ted Talks on YouTube that support Criminalizing Demand.
• Prostitution is not a Victimless Crime/Andy Hall/TedxTuscon Salon, Andy talks about how Human Trafficking is a 150 billion dollar industry. He also defines Human Smuggling and Human Trafficking, do you know the difference? Watch this video to find out!
• Enslaved: From Victim to Victor/Jessica Minhas/TedxFiDi,Woman, Jessica talks about sex slavery and sexual abuse.
• Human Trafficking - 21st-century slavery: Faridoun Hemani at Ted x Sugarland, Faridoun asks, “Why are we allowing slavery to exist in the 21st century?”
I mention pornography because I feel it is a gateway to soliciting prostitutes.
From the antipornography.org website: “Why are you speaking out against pornography? Because pornography degrades women, sex, and all humanity, including boys and men. It frequently glorifies and promotes sadism, masochism, rape, incest, pedophilia, misogyny, women-hating, and violence against women and girls. It harms relationships, marriages, children, and families. It also creates demand for prostitution and international sex trafficking. Furthermore, it is a highly abusive industry that frequently exploits vulnerable survivors of sexual abuse. Allowing all of these harms to go unchecked by remaining silent is not an acceptable option.”
At fightthenewdrug.org, you can learn about: how porn affects the brain, why consuming porn is an escalating behavior, how porn affects sexual tastes, how porn can become addictive, how porn changes the brain, how porn affects the brain like a drug, how porn affects the heart, why porn leaves consumers lonely, how porn hurts a consumers partner, how porn damages consumers sex lives, why porn is full of lies, how porn kills love, how porn affects the world, how porn fuels sex trafficking, how porn warps ideas about sex, how consuming porn can lead to violence, and the porn industry’s dark secrets. They recently launched a new site that allows everyone to get educated, Learn.FTND.org
So, you stop watching Porn, and you stop soliciting prostitutes. What then? Again, I think the answer is education! I feel that in this global rape culture where men and women are brainwashed into settling for porn as a guide for the sexual experience; they are being fast-tracked into sexual addiction, sexual confusion, and a huge amount of frustration.
To understand sexual addiction, I recommend reading:
Out of the Shadows, Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. In the preface to the 2001 edition, “We cannot evolve further until men and women treat each other differently. Respect for sexual preference, the protection of children from inappropriate and abusive behavior, the reduction of sexual shame, and the celebration of sexual joy will emerge naturally with a shift to nonpatriarchal, noncompetitive, and nonexploitive values about sex.”
To take a different take on sexual experience read: The Multi-Orgasmic Man by Mantak Chia; he is a spiritual teacher that incorporates meditation and spirituality into a sexual experience. From the back cover, “I am pleased to recommend The Multi-Orgasmic Man, the authors’ holistic and non-mechanical approach to lovemaking is a perspective for which American men have been long overdue.”-Barbara Keesling, Ph.D., author of How to Make Love All Night. "I consider seeking out prostitutes as predatory behavior. It is usually people that have been preyed upon that turn around and prey on others."
If you have any inkling that someone was inappropriate with you sexually I recommend reading: Healing Sex, A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Staci Haines. From the front cover, “What a terrific book! Every survivor needs this encouraging, down to earth guide ---and the joy of freely-chosen, healthy sexual pleasure.” ---Ellen Bass, author of The Courage to Heal.
And, to bring more of a global perspective: Birthing Masculinity, Dialogues of Peace and Social Justice edited by Lindah Mhando. From the back cover, “In Birthing Masculinity, Dialogues of Peace and Social Justice, Lindah Mhando has brought together diverse authors to capture a range of grounded struggles in antiwar protests that challenge existing hierarchical power structures and their methods of reconstructing social relationships. From Mhando’s well-documented introduction to the interventions by Campbell, Dussel, Quijano, and others, we see a daring re-reading of the impact of militarism and global capitalism. This exciting collection encasing eye witness accounts, testimonials, and narratives, highly unsanitized, and unscripted, presents a provocative analysis in the context of decolonization, multicultural capitalism, and discursive practices, while exposing imperialist aggression. This book propels dialogue and provides a platform for the community to discuss the practicality of promoting democracy, peace and justice around the world in the face of antagonistic religious beliefs and strife; advocacy for war; domestic solidarity; the repression of indigenous people, and the crippling effects of globalization on the poor.”
My last book recommendation is a great romantic guide, Creating Union: The Essence of Intimate Relationship by Eva Pierrakos. “Creating Union can help you achieve vibrant partnerships of fearless loving and mutual self-fulfillment. It provides insights into the deeper meaning of inevitable relationship difficulties while compassionately answering practical questions about sexuality, spirituality, divorce, fear of intimacy, creating mutuality, and how to keep the spark alive in long-term relationships.”